Sexual Racism

Racism is fundamentally a set of judgements made about a person, not based on how you perceive the person, but based on generalisations you already believe about all people who share their ethnic background or their country of origin.

Racism is unfair, unethical and damaging to both those who do it and those who are its victims. It enforces the myth that we are separate and distinct instead of exclaiming the truth that we are one human people.

Racism is sadly alive and well in how we talk about our sexual and romantic preferences, and sometimes in how we act on them. Racism in the sexual and romantic parts of our lives is what we're calling "sexual racism".

Racism is a pretty loaded term and it's also a hard concept for people to deal with. I think we like to see ourselves as pretty free of prejudice, but of course, we're not. We make judgements all the time, and often this happens before we meet someone, or before a situation happens. This can be a good thing - a process of critical thinking and choice - or it might not be a good thing, if our preconceptions are preventing us from seeing or taking part in the world in a complete way, or if they hurt other people.

Some people relate racism only to the Ku Klux Klan and white supremacist groups. They think that racism is only when you hate other races or when you think your race is superior. But racism is also about prejudice based on race. It often involves the first definitions but is much more subtle.

If you're surfing the internet looking for friends, or dates, or shags, and you read profile after profiile that excludes you on the basis of something you have no control over - race - , how does it make you feel? Think of it that way. How about if you -- a homosexual walk around in your workplace or your neighbourhood and occasionally, or more often than you think, you see a sign that says "No Gays."

What we don't think about is how it feels for other people to read them. Imagine how it feels to read ad after ad that excludes you based solely on your race. Imagine for a moment, that you were in a minority in the country you were born in and kept reading apparently endless profiles saying you weren't desirable. It just might ruin your day, mightn't it? Do you really want to help make other people feel bad about themselves?

But there's an alternative to this grumpy, negative kind of speech that just makes everyone feel sad and diminished. If we simply make positive, inclusive statements in our profiles, tell people what we do like, and deal politely with people who don't turn us on, we've made a positive change. Try talking about the characteristics you're into, not about the person's race.

No-one has the right to get laid. Most of us can't control quite how we respond sexually or emotionally to another. If something doesn't turn us on, there's not much we can do. Is there? In fact, for most of us our tastes change over our lifetime. Usually, they get broader, sometimes they get narrower. Can you honestly say that you like the same type of people now that you did when you were 17 years old? What can you attribute that difference to other than experience?

Sometimes, we think we're not into one type of guy/girl, but then we meet that one that blows our preconceptions out of the water. Unless, we protect ourselves from ever meeting them. If we never really have opportunities to meet, get to know and get to appreciate people with different kinds of bodies, different looks, different faces, how will we ever know if we could have found them sexy.

Why not check someone out to see if you find them sexy rather than excluding them without even looking? It's racially prejudiced to rule out someone for a job based on their race or to keep them out of a pub. Ruling out someone as a potential partner based on their race is just as prejudiced.

Many people consider that sexual preference simply can't, by definition, be racist. We think that's wrong. Prejudice is prejudice. Racism diminishes us, weakens our community and, let's face it, means that everyone gets laid less and has fewer chances to fall in love. That sucks.