i've survived, Merdeka!!!

I have the whole stomach of words to say. but i don't think that will be published in here...but anyway, let's just look at the bright side of the world. So, i will still comment about the camp i've joined, and it might sound a bit of stingy...and yet, it is so true.

Before i joined the camp, i've turned off all of my nervous system and hormone system. I'm like a walking dead body...with normal body temperature and is able to pretend to breath. So, I feel so comfortable with the cold water bath, which is the only time I will not feel sweaty and sticky. It is actually the only time that I get to stand there, do nothing but to let the water to flow all over my forehead, my lips, my chest, my stomach, my...okok, that's it. It sounds too true. So in short, I get my whole body covered with freezy cold layer of blanket and that's the best moment in the camp. For this reason, I have to really estimate the time before I go to shower: once finish, straight away run with the full speed to the hall to keep the body from releasing the sweat again -- which always fail. Yes, I forget the fact that once get out from the shower, sweat are being produced.

Negative feedback reaction, I will never love you.

About the food pula...I'm not a choosy eater. So the food are okay for me...except there's not much vegetables and fruits, which is not really flattering for a healthy lifestyler like--me. However, it is just for 5 days, and since I didn't get sick as some of the members did...so is fine. Pass.

Now's about the course. Erm, nothing much to say about it--in here, I suppose. But I have to admit, I think the trainer and the people who design the course really deserved a big round of applause. Seriously, they just know the right approach to get to open up your mind, fit in all the sejarah in your head--but in a much more interesting way, which is so so true. Through games, through songs, through video clips, through ceramah, anything. I really salute the speaker for the ceramah, especially the one with a grossy voice--well, some people claimed that it is sexy...but not for me. Anyway, the way he give speech was so overwhelmingly persuasive...and scary sometimes. But he managed to keep me awake, all the time, which is good for him, tiring for me. My group faci was good in explaining many thing. Many thing, but not all. Well, I didn't argue much. I am a peace lover. Haha.

About the members pula...everybody in our group are having so much fun. We talk like there's no tomorrow, and are quite close together. Especially thanks to Brad and Mira who have so much to talk about. Haha. Not really get to talk much to Dennis, but at least he did show some interest when we play some games. Good luck and all the best, all my French members. Flight on 1 June right?

Safest journey ya.
=)

I Will Be

I will be...going crazy after the exam!!!

First of all, I missed Darren. And definately I will drag him out to club on Friday night...regardless he free or not...cuz I wanna dance and be HIAO so badly!!!!!!

U can talk what u wan, but guess what....I dun fucking care!!!

I'm a biatchhhhhhhh, let's dance dirty!!!!

Plain Despair

Biology, me: 65, highest: 80
Physics, me: B, highest: 95

=(

For fuck's sake, I cried. First time ever cry for exam result. Oh fuck it. Do you have to be so mean every single time. Just for your information, I am so fucked up right now. And I can't study at all, thanks to the tears and heart beats that going to tear me apart.

Whatever I have, just take it away. i hate any kind of feeling right now. Plain hurt to even think about tomorrow. I hate it. Fuck it. Fuck it to a maximum and fuck it like there's no more tomorrow.

I am fed up this time. I dunno what's wrong with my result. I supposedly quite confidence with my physics, I thought it's going to be a good one. At least, I thought I can get more than that, at least an As.

65. what-the-fuck-65.
B. what-the-hell-B.

Wei Lun get 93. And he still not satisfied with his result.
I think I can just go and jump off the cliff.

Not like I didn't study hard. Maybe I didn't study smart. Maybe I was too nervous. Maybe I made lot's of stupid fucking mistakes. Or maybe, I was plain stupid. brainless. simply fathead.

I can't think of anything worse than being me myself at this moment.

People study for a time. and I took forever to memorize a fucking simply equation. What's the fucking stupid brain I am having right now??? I try to squeeze my brain for some idiot answer. But I think I have no brain, so I hav nothing to squeeze too.

I am fucking useless. Plain useless dump shit.

I can't think of a fucking way to comfort myself. Let's see...if there's a will, there's a way?? Or maybe U see it, U do it, U get it???

Haha, go to hell for whoever create such fucking idiot saying or whatever, cuz I can't see any point for having these. I bet, those who say these are people who never taste the bitterness of failure. Or in other words, they are the successer -- all-time-successer. Fuck them all to the hell. Let's put them in my shoe now, and they will see where's the fucking way they are mentioning, or where is the fucking thing that they promised us for what we will get.

U mothersucker. I wish U can see my post in here: Anderson-adon.blogspot.com
Yea, U is for those say these words. Not anyone else. U.

I work fucking hard in every day in my fucking life. I get nothing. Plain frustration and anger is what I got. So what??? Did it change anything???

Fucking nothing. I am still the dump shit. With a lot more unsatisfaction.

I wish I can jump off of anything, or take in anything that can make me start all over again. I wan to get a better brain. I wan to have a whole new life.

Or maybe I will hav the same old stupid head, but anyway, I won't have to see all these fucking genius around me anymore. So I won't be the dump in there anymore.

Pls. I wish to end this program soon. Better to be tomorrow. NO no. Now. I wish I'm ex-Ausmatian right now.

Sucks.

Egoisme

For people viewing this post right now...u will be damn pissed off if you can't take my pictures anymore...

For your information, this is a plain idiot post for posting some pictures that my genius photographer cousin took during a wedding dinner. No bridge or cake or anything, just plain me, mE, and ME!!!

Hahahahaha!!!

Ok la...post 1 picture of my mummy and auntie...i'm not that bad afterall..right???

I'm watching the event...plain dumb face expression.

Yummy...but next time I should watch my lips...looks like a dog=.=

watching nowhere...u can feel how bored I am, right??

i love me

when it comes to fancy someone who you doesn't exists in their available list, what else could make it possible?

by changing what you are? that's ridiculous.

after everything you had put yourself through, you might think that you are fnally becoming available. you are slowly taking everything which you are off, putting on whatever you think to make you appear to be perfect for them. you are fucking out of your mind.

just in case you were unaware: you are fuckingly brainless.

you think they might like you -- the you after all the metamorphic changes. you think by stepping on other's and make yourself stand up, could at least make a little changes. yes. it may.

it may make them hate you more. from neutral to negative. from none to worse. fucking useless, aren't you?

and you start to blame on the environment. you put the blame on the people around you who doesn't give u a hand when you are approaching them. you cry, you scream, you heart broken. so what's next?

they will never give u a fuck. never.

pls. love yourself by accepting who you are. apreciate your body, and your soul, by not mar them to a level that even yourself feel sick to look at them.

move on. as if they never exist in your life.
look forward. as if there's nothing left behind.