Protect me from what I want

People always see me as the playboy, the player, the guy who's always flirt...whatever. And it's really sad. Because that's not who I am. I am a good guy. Really. Even after all the things I've gone through, I am still the me that I first know who I am.

Still looking for the one.

I fall in love easily. Maybe because I was too desperate -- I've been single for too long, and every couple I've known just seems like they want to mess with me. It seems to be too fast to like someone so madly in such a short time. But for me, love is not meant to be directly proportional to the time you've known the person for. When it's there, it's there. Why all the pretending? Why all the hard work, when you know you'll be happy if you're to be with the person?

If that makes me a slut. Fine. I am.

I fall in love easily. But it takes me forever to get over it. I was always the broken hearted one. I always give all my heart, even when I barely know the person. Without knowing that they're gonna make me cry, I smiled sincerely to them. Just because they make me laugh, I've decided to be theirs. And turns out, it just doesn't work that way. People like someone who's playing hard to get. They don't like easy comer. People love challenges, and I am simply too easy to score. They got bored of me. And they're gone. Left me alone. Nothing but a heartless mannequin.



I should have learn from all these drama, shouldn't I? No, I just doesn't seems to have enough of all the shits. Again and again, the same old things keeps on repeating. Over and over again, it's like a cycle -- I don't see the ending. Maybe there's no ending, after all. I guess it's wrong for me for wanting to have a monogamy relationship. People just don't see me that way. I'm the backup plan, I'm the soft pillow, whatever it is -- just not the one.

I'm fucking 20 year old. And I've never had a serious relationship. What the fuck am I supposed to feel? It might be too early for me to thinking to settle down, but I'm so damn tired of all the games. I'm not a gamer, it's too tiring for me. I'm a loser, I want to end this game so badly. I need someone to take me over.

Someone just fucking want me, is it that hard to find the someone?

I want it last. I want it long. I will do whatever it takes to make this work. But please, take me. Take me for who I am. See me for what I am. Listen to what I have to say. And that's it. You can decide whatever you want to do with me. But just take me. I'm sick of having to go to some random parties with no partner. I want someone to miss me when we're not together. Someone to text me telling me what they are doing. Someone to cuddle with me in the cold days. Someone to share the delicious food. Someone to watch the lame movie and laugh at the stupid acts of the actors. Someone to have a long walk along the beach with me. Someone to tickle when I'm bored. Someone to bite when I'm hungry. Someone to scold me when I'm not doing my dishes. Someone to pretend to be entertained by my lame jokes. Someone to love my cooking. Someone to cook for me. Someone for me. Just me.

Protect me from what I want. Because I don't think I'm in my right mind anymore.